I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize