So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
