my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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