her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize