Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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