I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
