Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
