mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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