Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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