You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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