Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
