just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
