I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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