If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
