You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So many bounce houses so little time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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