Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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