If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even my farts smell like vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
