I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize