sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
pray to the hookup gods
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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