Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
