I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
