I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
