I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize