I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
