I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
