He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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