I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
