it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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