The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
