I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
