i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
