Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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