What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
