He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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