Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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