new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
