you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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