My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
