Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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