You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
