Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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