My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
