I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
