apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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