it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
