I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
being pregnant is like rehab
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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