dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
