I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
