ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
