Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize