is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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