i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
