Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
