True but thats because hes a fetus.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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