I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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