i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i believe in u and ur pee
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
