i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
