I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
