In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize