my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
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