my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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