I got chris browned last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
