He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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