I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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