Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
