Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
