come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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