You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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