Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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