I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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