I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize