Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
