discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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