I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
