mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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