I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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