Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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