dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
