I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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