So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize