Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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