Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize