so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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