it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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