Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
