it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
These tits shall not be calmed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
