There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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