So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
