i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
