he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
