the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
