I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
