So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize