i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
