Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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