Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
