I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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