there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
