The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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