Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
