i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
