I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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