Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
