No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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