It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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