I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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